How Come Why?

Episode – 2 – How Come Why

 

 I created this podcast to model an assignment that is in development for my high school students. I recorded my first podcast on Anchor.fm to go through the process to be documented and reproduced. Cause as I just stated, this was an assignment in the making.

As I listened to the recording I made, it struck a chord inside me. I began to imagine what it would be like to share my life with all its low spots, like sitting on my bed with a gun in my lap considering taking the easy way out (that's a different story for another post.), or the highs of being present for the birth of my youngest son.

My journal has many entries of my attempts to write a book about my life. About growing up in a violent home with a raging and often violent father. But writing a book seemed too hard. Too hard to my sisters and brother, most of whom put this violent past, we all lived behind them. Then there is my sweet mother, who always tried the best she could to protect us in her own way.

So here I am, and here is the crux (today anyway) of what this podcast is about:

My life used to be one reactionary moment after another. Full of anger, sometimes violent. Dwelling on my past mistakes, then chastising myself not to make the same mistakes again. Of course, I still made the same mistakes. It was a crazy cycle of angry and violent events. Over and over, one after another. I mean, who does this? It was the embodiment of the definition of crazy. You know, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Not sure who coined that.

Of course, I had to make up an excuse to cover the hurt and the pain I caused. Which is then followed by laying blame so I could make my behavior someone else's fault. It did help me feel better, just absolved of my action.  Sound familiar to any of you?   It sucks, and it was exhausting!

One day I picked up the phone and called Sam. He helped me see the cycle. With his guidance and encouragement, I chose to understand my anger.

This show is a way to share my insights and thoughts on mindfulness and my journey to living a life being present and to share with you dear listeners my path to healing, and my attempt to be a better human. 

Finally, I came up with a list of outcomes for this show. Of course, I did, it is the teacher in me I suppose.

1.     To share my personal insights and discoveries about anger

2.     To explore the results of being angry

3.     Observe the damage and the pain of my past unchecked emotions

4.     Share my journey of healing and discovery of the life of mindfulness and being present with my anger

5.     To invite people to come on the show and share their story

6.     To share good whiskey with my guests. Because a nice glass of good whiskey is always appropriate.

On my next show, I’ll share the most defining moment that my two-year-old son saved my life.

Take care, Wil